Dear Diary,

Today went quite well for a first day of uni after 3 months of brain rusting. I almost forgot how being the only one with a different accent in a class which consists of 60 student felt like. You'd think that after one year I'll finally get used to the whole thing, but I guess it's not easy to get rid of that consciousness before speaking, only to realize what comes out of my mouth sound totally foreign and distant. A part of me wishes that I speak like them, so that I wouldn't feel so out of place, but another part of me thinks that I'm just being silly and people would understand me as long as what I say comes out from an English dictionary.

I always wonder: Is it because I'm different that's why people don't talk to me? Or because I'm different I try to keep myself with a safe distant so that others won't find out and think that I'm a freak? Okay, maybe freak is too strong a word to be used here. But there certainly isn't any other more suitable word right now. I try to prevent stress from getting to me, after all it's only the first day of class, but as soon as the assignment brief was given, I felt my tummy tighten. Anyone that knows that I don't have exams say the same thing: Wish I were you. Yeah think again. Every task I'm given feels like exam. And you know what the best part is? It never stops. Now how would you like an ongoing 4 months exam with only a week of study leave, sounds pretty fun eh?

When people ask you to describe yourself with one word, you give it a serious thought. You have a tough time choosing between few adjectives because you seem to think that you relate to more than one word. But here's the ironic thing, when people ask you to describe them in one word, you can almost immediately decide which word suits them best. Does that mean that they know you better? Or does it mean that you need to make more effort in getting to know yourself? When I'm alone, I like to guess what kind of person I am in the eyes of others. But usually only floats around in my mind: a loner.

It doesn't bother me all that much, until I saw the title of this semester's first assignment for Graphic Design Studio: REVEAL. Immediate response: Oh no.

If I were to describe myself/current situation in one word, the first word that pops up would be something along the lines of help! and alone, these days nothing seem to be within my control anymore.



Still waiting, hoping and believing,
Char