I'd like to believe smiling is the best cure for everything

for once in my life, I'm worried. about myself.

worried that i've became someone i no longer know. worried about my insane appetite. worried about stuffing myself with food whenever i feel like i've dropped into the deepest pit of life. worried about feeling miserable forever. worried that this is the beginning and probably a symptom of depression.

right. i shouldn't even consider the possibility of that now should i? not when there seems to nothing wrong in my life. but then again, thing are always not what it seem. feelings so toxic i never knew existed haunts me at times most unexpected, like how shadows creep and swallow you into darkness when night falls. all you can do is wait, until your eyes finally sense that emerging beam of sunshine, telling you that it's all going to be alright. but then, what if that's just an illusion? then how're you supposed to pick up the pieces, stand up, and tell the world that you're in good shape??

i really shouldn't be acting all self-pity. i don't know why am i feeling so down, i need someone to lift my spirits, assure me that i can do better. i don't know if prayers help, but if it does, i'm making one now.

all i want is to live a fulfilling and happy life.