:S

Here’s a confession. I am easily annoyed.

Now that doesn’t mean I get mad on the slightest hint of aggravation but (regrettably) it does mean that there is only so much I can take before I start loosing it.

You see, I haven’t been the most well-tempered person alive, that's a fact I’ve known and can’t change, not in the short run anyways. Somehow, I let things get to me, sometimes fairly easily. And what bugs me is more often than not, those are things that I have no business with or not worth getting rad-faced over. Like once, I got angry because my friends were all busy and if they weren’t they clearly didn’t bother to check on how I was doing. It all started with being terribly upset and disappointed, possibly the result of loneliness which up till one point I even question myself whether I was really not worth even a bit of their attention at all, but then soon enough it begun to grow into anger. I’d blame them for forgetting, not being there when I needed an ear, I’d blame them when they only talk about themselves and forgot to ask how I was doing, and then I’d blame myself for waiting for calls instead of making them, for being mad even though I knew it’s not any of their faults at all, and that they really were busy. But of course, it's all past tense now otherwise I wouldn't be coming clear now would I?

Funny thing is, as I type I realize how toxic it was to store up all the rage, even though it’s no longer there. The relieve of owning up must be the best feeling ever, apart from feeling happy that is :)) I still think nothing beats that, not even self-assurance because I believe it’s a notion created by the former. I am happy therefore I am self-assured. Or I am happy therefore I am kind. Hmmm that doesn’t sound so right. :S:S

But anyway, back to my point. Our emotions are really the most complicated thing in the whole wide world isn’t it? Heck it’s even more complicated than love, as gauche as it sound out loud. There are times when come to confrontation with my bare emotion I wonder if that’s the way I should feel… if I’m over-reacting or under, whether or not I should feel angry and what would happen if I throw a tantrum. But usually I come to conclusion that it’s probably wiser to just forget it when I scrutinize the possible outcome, more terrified of the idea that the opposite side would be put off rather than feel guilty. What if no one cares that I am mad? What if they turn their backs and laugh at how I ridiculous am?

Times like these are most significant when people are late. Yes, you can say anything you want but I hate it when people are late, for more than 15 minutes and without a single call to be more specific. Oh but that doesn’t stop me from being the one put to wait, over and over again, and also get angry when people are so late they might as well not show up at all. Some people may wonder, then why don’t I just assume that the meet-up or pick-up time is 15 minutes later so that I don’t have to put myself through all the unnecessary struggle with rage? Simple, it’s because I’m not brought up that way, not since forever. Mom is the kind of person who when there’s an interview or an event, arrives 30 minutes earlier. The kind who “predicts” a traffic jam and leave home an hour earlier. The kind who during her days as a student finishes her school work as early as a week before the due date.

As for me, I might not have adapted her absolutely responsible manor in time management but I still believe being on time is essential, for anyone and everything. I hate to make people wait and if I do, I’ll keep in mind never to do it again. I get totally anxious if I was late for a meeting or anything for that matter. Mind you I’m not bragging about myself just that in my opinion being punctual is one of the most important things in life, not to mention one of the easiest things because time is under a person’s control, unlike fate. If there’s a fair reason a person is late I won’t be seen getting all upset that's for sure. But being late just because a person simply “woke up late” or “need more time to bath” isn’t exactly inadvertent now is it?? Sorry, I hope I won’t offend anyone by being so brutally honest. It’s just one of the things I do nowadays, one of those which I figure I might regret later but the thought of keeping everything in and swallowing all the frus isn’t what I like to continue doing either.

Confession: I’m not always so punctual myself too. A traffic jam or a movie I couldn’t take my eyes off sometimes get in the way but I dare say it’s not something that happen always. Being late I mean, not traffic jam or movie. Ironically, I find myself mumbling “oh well…it’s predicted” silently nowadays when waiting as the clock ticks instead of the usual complaining to my maid, if she was by the door, about how much I dislike it when people make me wait. No not sounding like a diva on purpose, either.

Now there you go, a snip how horrible a person I really am. Mwahaha. If I must make a conclusion, I'd like to say that I still think a person has the right to be mad at someone who is not punctual because seriously, if you're late can you expect others to greet you with a wide smile with opened arms?? People don't know how this insignificant matter tells alot of their characteristics and importance of you to them.